just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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