capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
