also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
