I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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