You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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