Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
