you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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