Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
