Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
