I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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