went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
