Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
