Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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