I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
