We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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