It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
