i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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