It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
