In the future we'll all be gay
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
