after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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