I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
