so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
