we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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