when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
