The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
