woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
