By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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