I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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