After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
