Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
