I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
