I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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