last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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