There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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