You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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