Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
