i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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