And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
