and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
