I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had to cum in my sink.
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