You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
