I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
