I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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