She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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