You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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