Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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