Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
