Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
