oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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