i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just forgot I was standing up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
