I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
