He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
