I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
